I officially started my journey for PhD on 24th October 2011 with official registration today. I received my new and latest matric card with confusion as I know this will be the starting point of glory or doom. I spend the whole day for the last week, venturing into the unknown of scholarly journals and articles hoping to find something that enable me to progress. Yes, the keyword here is progress. I found numerous articles talking about so many things, from construction technology, bidding and my fondly searched items, the BoQ. Its like searching a mountain just to find so little that really match the hopes. Spent half day today in a library, with the new matric card, downloading so many articles which I really do not know is it the things that i'm looking or something else. Lone-some is a disease which I start to feel with wife and family hook imbalance over a small strip of string. I'm raising 2 kids, infant to be true, and it is not an easy task. The last thing in my mind is fight between me and my wife over dozens of issues which I really hate to admit that it is sometimes happening. Here in this place, I really do not have much friend to share the loneliness and sometimes the bored I endure in most days. The only day that I really enjoy is the day when I suppose to meet my supervisor. She do not help much at this stage but meeting her would at least clear something and give me some directions. I know it still too early to decide on something but I know I have to explore on daily basis. For this, I created a small system which I recorded all information I collected through my readings. I put in proper reference, excerpt and also comment hoping that this piece of work will help me finding my direction. I do not know whether the system will help me or not, but I guess that would probably shed some directions and record all information that I collected throughout this period.
My biggest concern now is to strike a balance between my family and the study that just started. I really do not know, if I were in my wife position, whether I'll be behaving good and understand the next 3 years will be difficult or adamant that responsibility is a responsibility, no break or study lining between it. I just hope that my wife will be more open to an issue, put aside personal interest and help me with this journey. I felt the pressure every night when I tried to put myself to bed and wonder what am I doing on bed rather on my desk, reviewing the mountainous articles and continue pondering my fate for the next 3 years. I do hope that this period of boredom will soon be over and replaced with directions, seminar paper maybe or even part time work. I'll continue reading for the next 2 or three months and see whether luck will be on my side. I always pray to Allah that he will show me the direction and help me out from this blurring situation.
My biggest concern now is to strike a balance between my family and the study that just started. I really do not know, if I were in my wife position, whether I'll be behaving good and understand the next 3 years will be difficult or adamant that responsibility is a responsibility, no break or study lining between it. I just hope that my wife will be more open to an issue, put aside personal interest and help me with this journey. I felt the pressure every night when I tried to put myself to bed and wonder what am I doing on bed rather on my desk, reviewing the mountainous articles and continue pondering my fate for the next 3 years. I do hope that this period of boredom will soon be over and replaced with directions, seminar paper maybe or even part time work. I'll continue reading for the next 2 or three months and see whether luck will be on my side. I always pray to Allah that he will show me the direction and help me out from this blurring situation.
InsyaAllah...
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